Imagine that you were standing in front of a door that had everything you have ever desired or wanted behind it. If you were told you could have everything behind the door, would you be able to open it?
This is one of the illustrations James K.A. Smith uses when he tries to convince us that we are fundamentally lovers, not thinkers. In his lecture “You Are What You Love,” he makes a compelling case that we are creatures of desire. The narratives that arouse the most desire in us are the ones that direct our thoughts and actions. These desires are so deep that we are not always aware of them. So, while we know what we should say when someone asks us what we should desire, chances are that we love something altogether different. For most people, this should be a harrowing idea.
I’m not sure I would have the courage to open the door.
I know what I should say when someone asks me what I love. I love the Lord Jesus Christ and want to see Him glorified. I love my wife and my kids and want to give selflessly to them. I love other people and want to see their lives improved. But when I actually reflect on what my actions say about who I love, I love myself. I want to be king over my life, unconditionally. I want my kids to do what I say as soon as I say it. I want my wife to do what I want. I want to be served and not to serve anyone else.
In light of Christ’s commands, I don’t want to open that door. Especially not in front of Him.
I know that my inner life needs to be renovated and re-created. I want my desires to truly be re-made before I come to see Him. If I can be honest, the thought of divine judgment is terrifying because I know that I would hesitate to open that door.
It’s a good thing that God knows we would hesitate. James K.A. Smith paraphrases an important Biblical command by saying “The beginning of all wisdom is to know we don’t desire God.” At this point, it is clear to us that we cannot do this on our own–we need the Holy Sprit’s intervention. We need Him to help us imitate the desires of Christ. Ultimately, this is the goal of Christian discipleship, that our desires would be the same as those of the Lord Jesus Christ. The loves that drive us would be the same as His loves. Our deepest unconscious desires would glorify Him by second-nature.
While I would be absolutely terrified to open the door today, the song “Just Want You” by Travis Greene is my prayer today. Would you make it yours?