I was at the pool with my daughter after her swim lesson, and I usually just do a few random exercises on the deck while she’s in her lesson or playing. Wall handstands, push-ups, squats, that sort of thing. Well, a lifeguard saw me and asked if I was into calisthenics. We started talking, and next thing you know I was using the poolside ladder to do an L-sit to bent-arm stand. That surprised me, a lot, so I decided to try to push to a handstand. But while I was pushing out, my hips went too far past my hands and, well, let’s say I went for an unexpected swim.
All this led to me talking with him about why I’ve taken so long to learn a solid handstand: fear of falling in front of others. Today, I didn’t feel embarrassed. Maybe a bit dumb at soaking everything on me, but not embarrassed. But for whatever reason, when I am at the gym to actually do a workout, on the workout floor, I’m afraid to try my handstands more because I don’t want everyone to see me falling so many times. When I’m wearing street clothes, I don’t try in my yard, or at work on the university yard, or at my mother in law’s house, or so many other places just because I’m afraid to fall in front of others.
This fear of falling has adversely impacted my ability to learn this difficult skill. A handstand is so difficult because you are re-training your brain to balance itself upside down. At the same time, you’re strengthening many muscles to dynamically hold your body weight, and they are almost never carrying such significant weight during the course of your day. Due to these remarkable demands, much practice is required to see even minimal progress. Fear draws things out because it prevents you from spending time on the skill.
However, if you can master the handstand, it unlocks tremendous possibilities for enhancing your strength and physical autonomy. It is a beautiful form. It improves your general posture. It strengthens your shoulders and protects them from injury by balancing the strength of their larger muscles against the smaller. And a handstand is the prerequisite to many very advanced skills in the calisthenics world.
As I think more, the handstand is something I have a right to do. It is trivial: it doesn’t really matter whether I learn it or not, so odds are very few people will be offended or harmed at my practice or lack of practice. Notice also that my fear affects my willingness to train whether or not it is the proper time or place. Fear stops me whether or not there is any other obstacle in place.
How much more does fear work when I am associating with Christ? Although there may presumably be those offended at my convictions, and certainly my worship has consequences for myself and my family for this life and beyond, there are many ways I can associate with Him and not have any other obstacle except my own fears of others’ perceptions. I hesitate to share the faith in appropriate conversations because I’m worried about making mistakes. I’m worried about falling in front of others because I don’t want them to see that my natural view is closer to their own than that of Christ. I’m still strengthening this spiritual man, and I know I don’t have all the insight and knowledge to avoid every fall. So I don’t try and prolong the process.
More than this, such fear prevents me from fully experiencing Christ in my life. It limits my trust in Him and circumscribes the areas of my life where he will work. Faith is the prerequisite to any spiritual accomplishment, and such faith will necessarily require public and personal identification with Him in front of those he draws into my life.
Please pray for me as I ask God to help me overcome my fears. And also pray that I achieve my handstand.
Peace and blessings.