So, last night we had prayer meeting and I was so excited to attend and lead it, although I knew I’d not been going to the church long enough to command a following of most of the members and that I didn’t know how things happened here. I remember being frustrated that everyone weren’t participating and that there was not more silence during the meeting. Now, looking back even only 8 weeks or so ago, I feel my frustrations and concerns were fully unjustified. However, any heartache could have been avoided if I’d just had a discussion with the other leaders about what the plan was and how it’d be worked out. Instead, I just allowed stuff to go with the flow because I didn’t feel I had the social capital to raise my concerns. This was a case of what my wife calls “false humility.”
False humility says that we don’t speak our concerns in love because we don’t feel we have the position, or we don’t trust the gift God has given us. I think this is rooted in unbelief and that if it were rooted in belief, I’d speak if I think I have something that will build up the community, and give folks the freedom to respond, whether or not they are okay with what I have to say.
Most of the reason I’m upset is that I had a plan and we didn’t use it. Now, looking back, I think it’s better that we never use the plan, and transition more to a “prayer letter” model. I also pray that God will use this to humble me since prayer was not a spiritual gift of mine, and I’m just excited to be helping my new church in a meaningful way.