this year’s discipleship program has been very challenging. not only has it been challenging to get all of the work done, it has also been personally challenging, yet fulfilling, to realize how much God wants to do with His people. i feel encouraged and want to let God use me.
but this book will not let you stay in the euphoria of knowing you have a new place to go. there are seven realities, and the one that is really challenging me goes something like this:
God’s invitation to work with Him always leads me to a crisis of belief that requires faith and action.
this reality is one i’ve been struggling with the whole book.
i’m so happy for this program, because God has been guiding me. He still wants to use me. today, i want to take time while Manu is sleeping to write down some of the ways i believe God is requiring a crisis of belief.
Invitations
- NPBCGLOBAL. i am praying to God about this still, but I believe He wants American Christians, especially those of color, to hear from Christians who live outside of Europe and North America. this is a desire that i have felt for a long time, and God has not caused it to go away. i want to continue to pray about this and see if God wants to do this–to use technology and publishing to promote equality among the believers and expose North American Christians to other worldviews and members in the Body of Christ. the goal is to have an international, virtual ministry, that also plants churches and encourages others to become foreign missionaries.
- JOURNEY. this book title is so clear in my mind. it came while i was walking to the bus, or riding it to the SRA convention. our every day lives are steps God wants us to take with Him. as a result, we should be encouraged by the way that His life flows through ordinary people pursuing His eternal purpose in every culture, language, and place. JOURNEY is about chronicling this while at the same time making the case that our chief satisfaction lies in appearing before God in Zion (Ps. 84) after our earthly journey.
- TELOS (while angels watch). i’m writing this book in response to the emptiness that we live saturated by in Western-American culture. this book has been based in an understanding of I Peter 1:9-13, but the main point is that God is calling His people out of emptiness. i feel like He just wanted me to write, so i’ve started putting words on the page.
- Metaphysics, Ontology, and Risk Construction. this is an area of scholarship i’ve felt drawn to recently, which i can’t explain. i’d never have found it, except that my friend Gonzalo indicated i was probably developing a resilience ontology in a paper under development. i’m hoping that this can lead into some new research directions. this may also be an inroads into the large Jalyatra-like project i want to undertake concerning the influence of worldview on infrastructure development. [new idea just now–Smithsonian Institution may have scientists who can help me shape this question and perhaps collaborate on it.]
- God, Man, and Anthropology. last time i asked God a question about origins and Creation, He led me to an obscure stack in the University of Pittsburgh Library. i don’t know what God will do with this idea, but i was led to write it down while i’m doing this exercise. i don’t think it’s imminent, but no one is working on this problem.
- NPBC Missions. i believe God wants me to be involved in my church more deeply, especially with missions. i believe He also wants my entire family to be involved at NPBC. this is probably the clearest signal, because it is coming almost directly out of reality 4 in the experiencing God book. if i’m not in the church, how can i know what God is doing around me, or what He wants to do in and through me. right now this is not possible because of my work schedule and hours. my schedule could be a lot more flexible, with a lot more freedom for error, if we had a second car.
- INVISIBLE. God has put on my heart to make sure i don’t look past the invisible people. i’m not sure how He will use this awareness.
- Writing for Devotions. God has put on my heart the desire to share my writing. He wants to lead people into His presence. i need to offer my writing to the FOM ministry and possibly to my discipleship group.
Crises of Belief
this section is much harder to write, because it brings face to face the ways i’ve been walking by sight, not by faith. it also is unsettling because i have to trust God–i don’t know how things will turn out, and i can hardly get a full picture of what He’s doing, or wants to do.
- to get involved in church, i need to cut down my commuting time. this either means working at home much more often, or purchasing another car. i don’t want to buy another car, and we can’t really afford it, but i feel like God is telling us to get a second car so that the schedule can be much more flexible and i can be in Baltimore at more reasonable hours. it would also make commuting, even by train simpler because the uncertainty associated with night buses is reduced
- my research group needs a whole lot more funding. both Lucine and I were led to put $2.2 million. i was incredulous at that number, but we both identified it. i have two more years after these next few months to make it. God will have to do it. i believe part of the reason that i want to think about next steps is because i don’t have the grants now. walking by sight. God wants to do something in my research career, and i believe He is at work on the universities. i hope He will continue to use me and give me the type of success i need to remain around.
- metaphysics and philosophy are areas i have no background, and have no idea how to even start getting to a point where i can professionally contribute. but i feel God leading me in this direction. will my colleagues accept me? can i say something important and interesting? will it lead to other opportunities?
- how do you start a publisher? i’ve already shared my ideas about virtual studies with some people and they all seem discouraging. what is the need? the interest? who has the international vision that would make them interested in hearing what africans or asians have to say, as equals or with them as superiors?
- how do you fund a book idea? does He want me to make a career change? i am struggling with this now, because i know that God wants me to be more devoted to my local church. at the same time, He placed me in my career, and i am not permitted to have backup plans. He will reveal to me the next step when it’s time.
- while angels watch is the closest thing of all of these to “walking by sight” in the sense of “i believe i can do it” but i’m not sure how it will sell, or how i will distribute it, find a publisher, etc. so, the question is, am i doing all of this in vain?
Actions
- NPBCGLOBAL– i.) blog maintenance; ii.) help with UNICEF work; iii.) running and fundraising; iv.) awareness of international opportunities for ministry
- JOURNEY–continue to meditate and reflect on the idea. make time to search out grants and other fundraising opportunities to buy time for JOURNEY
- TELOS–continue to write, and also find a handful of people who will make comments, read drafts, and have conversations critically
- Metaphysics, Ontologies, and Risk Construction–prepare a proposal for the Fall window to Dennis Wenger’s directorate. contact Smithsonian institutions and have conversations. contact Henry Stapp at LBNL and read his work.
- God, Man, Antrhopology–keep this in my mind and keep my eyes open as i’m in the library. continue to document my ideas, and be sure to write down any questions i might have.
- Writing for devotions–just write.